Friday, July 9, 2010

Parakeet vs. "Paul"

I'm disappointed to say that Dallas is not quite growing on me.  I'm sure it's a nice town for some people and Texas is the perfect fit, but I'm just a northerner and for some reason can't quite adjest. Nothing is terrible, the job is ok, the apartment's ok, the bo fren is beyond amazing but I'm just not settled.

There have been a lot of things on my mind lately especially when it comes to thinking about my future. This is probably the perfect time in my life to figure these things out, like what I enjoy doing at work and what I don't and where I want to be in the country versus where I don't. But for some reason I kind of feel like I'm being held back. Maybe it's the college debt, or the signed leases but I just feel like I can't apply for and take a job in New York, Chicago, Colorado California or wherever and I don't like that feeling at all.

Something I've always liked about myself has been not being held back by things and living life on my terms. If it means moving to Louisville with no friends or family for school or taking a summer job in Dallas, I was willing to do it. But now I think fear is setting in and it's something that comes with age. Remeber in 1st grade on the playground when you would swing as high as you could and then leap off the swing and into the air with your only concern being how fun it was? And remember how in 6th grade you'd think about how much that would hurt if you jumped and fell too hard? And remember in 9th grade when you would never even get on the swing in the first place because of the fear of someone seeing you looking like an overgrown idiot? I hate that! I hate that now since I'm out of college it's no longer acceptable for me to move to another country for 4 months to experience culture and learn a language because it wouldn't be called "studying abroad". I hate that "moving away for school" is a more acceptable act than just "moving away" because you're bored or because you want to.

*sigh* More later....