Ugh today was horrible! I should've known after I woke up late, which to a time nazi like me is like intentionally killing puppies and kittens. Basically unheard of and disgusting. After my late wake up things just got worse. So bad in fact that when I arrived in the parking garage at work (again, late) I irrationally burst into tears. The strange part was that I just could not get myself together.
Long story short, today was just awful. But I always try to remember that I've been through worse, it could be worse and for some people it is worse. It's not easy to think like that but sometimes you just get to the point that you have to. After years and years of battling depression to the point when I literally couldn't cry anymore, I realize that sometimes I just need to chill and stop taking things and myself so seriously. Easier said than done but it's a necessary evil. I need to stop should-ing all over myself (in the words of Sex and the City) and just accept life for what it is. Que sera, sera.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
This week has been a down week. I've had a lot of good days in a row so it was really only a matter of time before I went back down my roller coaster. But with that said at least I'm due to go back up soon. I've been down for a few reasons but can't really pinpoint much. I know that I really miss school. I love school and learning and I always have. Yes, I know I'm a big nerd but it's cool to be a nerd when you're making money doing it. I would love to study primates and anthropology but I just can't 100% nail down what I want. It doesn't help that I love my job! It's stressing me out right now because I'm just not good at it. I have no idea what I'm doing and I know that I'm learning but it's frustrating because I'm used to working hard and doing well. I'm also trying to get back into boot camp and considered doing one for people who have 50+ pounds to lose. Apparently I look different to everyone else than I do to myself. I'm very aware that I'm almost 200 pounds yet I'm assuming I don't look like that to anyone other than myself. Some days I think I'm a fat gross slob and other days I'm fine with myself...relatively. But I still and always will eat pizza. That's non-negotiable. Sorry for a boo hoo post. Just a bad week. But like they say, what goes down must come...up?