This week has been a down week. I've had a lot of good days in a row so it was really only a matter of time before I went back down my roller coaster. But with that said at least I'm due to go back up soon. I've been down for a few reasons but can't really pinpoint much. I know that I really miss school. I love school and learning and I always have. Yes, I know I'm a big nerd but it's cool to be a nerd when you're making money doing it. I would love to study primates and anthropology but I just can't 100% nail down what I want. It doesn't help that I love my job! It's stressing me out right now because I'm just not good at it. I have no idea what I'm doing and I know that I'm learning but it's frustrating because I'm used to working hard and doing well. I'm also trying to get back into boot camp and considered doing one for people who have 50+ pounds to lose. Apparently I look different to everyone else than I do to myself. I'm very aware that I'm almost 200 pounds yet I'm assuming I don't look like that to anyone other than myself. Some days I think I'm a fat gross slob and other days I'm fine with myself...relatively. But I still and always will eat pizza. That's non-negotiable. Sorry for a boo hoo post. Just a bad week. But like they say, what goes down must come...up?
Do you ever just wake up, take a big breath of fresh air and feel totally grateful to be alive? Ok, so I don't. But I also don't wake up wishing I hadn't anymore and that is certainly something to be grateful for. You see, I went through a very long, very dark phase in my life where every day was not a blessing, I couldn't enjoy a pretty day and I begged the earth to swallow me whole. I had things on the horizon and did a pretty damn good job of faking every normal human emotion so no one knew what was going on. The only one I didn't have fooled was myself and unfortunately at that time, mine was the only voice I heard and the only opinion that mattered. Without going into detail I'll just say that there was a point when I hit rock bottom. And as I sat there and finally felt solid ground under me I realized that I was no longer falling. What was more important was I realized the true benefit of rock bottom, the ability to put your feet on the ground. When I ...
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