Skip to main content

My Life is Awesome

Do you ever just wake up, take a big breath of fresh air and feel totally grateful to be alive?

Ok, so I don't. But I also don't wake up wishing I hadn't anymore and that is certainly something to be grateful for. You see, I went through a very long, very dark phase in my life where every day was not a blessing, I couldn't enjoy a pretty day and I begged the earth to swallow me whole. I had things on the horizon and did a pretty damn good job of faking every normal human emotion so no one knew what was going on. The only one I didn't have fooled was myself and unfortunately at that time, mine was the only voice I heard and the only opinion that mattered.

Without going into detail I'll just say that there was a point when I hit rock bottom. And as I sat there and finally felt solid ground under me I realized that I was no longer falling. What was more important was I realized the true benefit of rock bottom, the ability to put your feet on the ground. When I was no longer falling, no longer flailing and allowed myself to hit the bottom it allowed me to feel what I needed to feel, cry as much as I needed to, yell as loudly as I could and feel totally empty. Do you know what's great about that? I released all I needed to and for the first time in years planted my feet and stood up. I felt solid and strong. My legs were supporting me and I finally had the ground and stability I needed to walk and eventually run to where I needed to be.

If you're wondering what I'm talking about, don't worry. I'm not entirely sure either. But what I do know is that for the first time in my life I'm actually happy to be alive every single day. Even when my life is bad, it's still great. This isn't one of those "and then I found God" or "running changed my life" posts because I'm not going to try to explain or give credit for the change. I don't want to or care to because all that matters is that it happened. For whatever reason.

If you feel like you're sinking, falling, flailing or failing, I invite you to let it happen. Let your butt crash into the ocean floor because once you're down there hopefully you'll see that it's not as bad as it seems. When the worst thing you thought could happen happens and you're still there to tell about it, what else is there to be afraid of. Take your time standing back up because when you're at the bottom you'll have the ground to steady you.

So there's your break from my normal blah blah marathon blah. Maybe it wasn't worth the read and if so, I'm really sorry to waste your time. As an apology, here's a picture of my dog and cat.


  1. :) youre a good sister

  2. It was definitely worth the read. :) I am so happy to read this post. Not because you had a terrible time, but because you are turning yourself around. I love your analogy, and it makes total sense. I love a good silver lining finding, as you know, and you've totally nailed it with this.

    I'm so glad you are alive. And I'm so grateful that you are embracing it and enjoying and living your life.

    1. Aw shucks. I think I get my silver lining eyes from you :)

  3. I love this... love the idea that you need to hit rock bottom to find your feet on the ground again... awesome!!! This post is definitely what others needs to hear!!!

    1. Thanks RJ! It's hard to put into words sometimes I think.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Year 30

Is this thing on? I've been struggling with a bit anxiety out of nowhere over the past year and a half so in an attempt to keep my head from spinning I'm going to try my return to writing.

I turned 30 in February and it's seriously been my best year. Suddenly I stopped caring so much about things, and more about *gasp* my family and friends. Weird right? But in caring more about people, I also started to care less about their opinions on my life choices. That said, I am going to provide you with a VERY brief rundown of the 3 major life events happening right now:

We are buying a house! Maybe... Yay right? Back in October I found this really great house under a lease option contract that we ended up snatching up. It's in a nice, established neighborhood where *most* people own and genuinely take care of their houses. Not at the Hank Hill lawn level but I'm talking seasonal outdoor decorations and it just happens to be the neighborhood other parents bring their kids t…

Burn the Past

One of my old pastors used to say "God gave you two ears and one mouth so you could listen twice as much". I've always been a pretty decent listener. I was always in the top 5 during games of Simon Says and with a mother like mine, you needed to do your best to prevent her repeating herself. But one area where I really struggle is listening to what God says to me and what direction to go in my life. I'm a control freak. There, I said it. There have been times in my life where I've had to schedule not only when I would have free time but what I would do during said free time. I've literally put "watch tv" on my calendar. So is it any surprise that when someone says to "let go and let God" I have trouble leaving my entire life and existence to someone other than myself? Not only that, but someone who isn't a someone at all? To someone I can't see, don't understand, don't know how to listen to and just have to have blind faith…

Guess Who's Back

Sometimes my thoughts get really overwhelming and when that happens I usually have to do something active and relatively creative. I've been using coloring books since before they were cool and strangely baking is still a big go-to for me but there's also writing. Today while lamenting to the husband he suggested I write a blog to try to just get shit out. So that's what I'm doing.

We are moving back to Louisville. Yay? I guess that's still TBD. I love Louisville, I really do and I have for years but like a weird, slightly dysfunctional, long term relationship, love just wasn't enough. I felt trapped and suffocated. I had created this identity box for myself and while it worked for a while it eventually turned into my coffin. It was tiny and I didn't feel like it could fit everything I wanted to be a part of my identity. 15 months ago I was exercise and non-profit worker Rennay. That's it. When we moved I realized it was a true clean slate. Absolutely n…