Monday, October 31, 2011
Today I just did some simple sun salutations. Lame I know. I was planning to try a new yoga studio because it was my day off and I've found daytime classes are typically less crowded which is much more relaxing for me. Unfortunately in yoga-land, Halloween is a holiday and therefore cause to close your studio. Anyhow, I've found that I really like a more hatha style yoga just because it's much slower, there's a lot more focus on getting into the pose and being in the pose. Vinyasa (the only yoga on exercise tv on demand) is much more about flowing from pose to pose and I feel like I could do well with that eventually but for right now I just don't think I'm ready for that. I'm never sure if I've done the first pose right before we move to the second and it's a lot less relaxing for me because I'm always freaking out about being perfect. Anyways, I'll be back for another installment tomorrow. Namaste.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
So for a very long time now I've thought about becoming a yoga instructor. I really do love it and hope to someday be someone's crazy, vegan yoga instructor. The process of becoming a yoga instructor is quite daunting and can typically take around 10 years to complete. The reason is because before you can even start to think about becoming an instructor you need to actually be able to do the poses which obviously take time. That said, since 10 years is way too big of a time period for me to focus on I am starting with a simple 30 Days of Yoga (and I use the word "simple" loosely). Today was Day 1 and I gotta tell ya, I am quite far from ever teaching yoga let alone entering a real yoga studio. I used to do yoga all the time but after gaining 60 pounds the idea of being in a room with other people around while I huff and puff and move my stomach to the side to try to get into a good "Proud Pigeon" pose is just more than I can deal with. I know that no one is looking at me or paying any attention to me whatsoever but it's just that crazy, female, self conscious brain going haywire again. Anyhow, I will also try to "master" one beginning yoga pose per day/week. Since today was day one and I needed some confidence I decided to master one of the easiest poses, for me at least and that would be "Vrksasana" or "Tree Pose". It's one of my favorites for some reason, probably because I can do it, but I always feel really good after holding it for a good long while. Well, off to bingo now. I'll see you for day 2!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
I've had several good days in a row and for that I'm very proud. Unfortunately, today is not one of them. I am bored out of my freaking mind and more ambitious yet discouraged than ever. When I was in college people used to always ask me what I'd do when I only had one job instead of 4 and no school instead of full time school and I never knew the answer. Now that I'm thinking about it, I really should've tried to come up with something because now I'm just bored to death. All I do is sit around and think about things I want to do and yet the motivation is not there. As hard as I'm trying to lose weight and be confident I just get too nervous when I think about actually doing the things I want to do. Going to a cooking class is terrifying to me but I've always wanted to do it. Basically, going out and meeting people is terrifying and I'm so mad because for a while I was making a lot of progress but now it's back to me, my pets and my computer. I want to be around people who are like me in at least one aspect but they're hard to find. The worst part about this weight loss thing is that I always really liked group fitness and now I'm too self conscious to do it. So I'm stuck at home trying to motivate myself and doing the p90x and doing the exercise tv but it just isn't the same. I miss boot camp and want to try cross fit and really miss taking yoga classes but I don't want to be the fat girl. I'm new to this and I don't know how it works and I'm so ANGRY at myself for letting me get to this point. I'm embarrassed. I'm not the girl who ran the marathon or any of those other races. I'm not the girl who plays tennis (which I miss) or swims or even runs at all anymore. I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels. The one thing I am happy about is my job and that's a first. I'm really proud of myself for getting it and for how well (hopefully) I'm doing. I'm learning a lot and trying to keep up and getting things done and then I come home all jazzed but don't know what to do. I don't like working out but I do it. I'm hungry but don't want to eat. I'm tired but don't want to sleep. Beyond frustrating. If anyone has any words of wisdom, please share.