Skip to main content

Nothing like a little free time

I've had several good days in a row and for that I'm very proud. Unfortunately, today is not one of them. I am bored out of my freaking mind and more ambitious yet discouraged than ever. When I was in college people used to always ask me what I'd do when I only had one job instead of 4 and no school instead of full time school and I never knew the answer. Now that I'm thinking about it, I really should've tried to come up with something because now I'm just bored to death. All I do is sit around and think about things I want to do and yet the motivation is not there. As hard as I'm trying to lose weight and be confident I just get too nervous when I think about actually doing the things I want to do. Going to a cooking class is terrifying to me but I've always wanted to do it. Basically, going out and meeting people is terrifying and I'm so mad because for a while I was making a lot of progress but now it's back to me, my pets and my computer. I want to be around people who are like me in at least one aspect but they're hard to find. The worst part about this weight loss thing is that I always really liked group fitness and now I'm too self conscious to do it. So I'm stuck at home trying to motivate myself and doing the p90x and doing the exercise tv but it just isn't the same. I miss boot camp and want to try cross fit and really miss taking yoga classes but I don't want to be the fat girl. I'm new to this and I don't know how it works and I'm so ANGRY at myself for letting me get to this point. I'm embarrassed. I'm not the girl who ran the marathon or any of those other races. I'm not the girl who plays tennis (which I miss) or swims or even runs at all anymore. I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels. The one thing I am happy about is my job and that's a first. I'm really proud of myself for getting it and for how well (hopefully) I'm doing. I'm learning a lot and trying to keep up and getting things done and then I come home all jazzed but don't know what to do. I don't like working out but I do it. I'm hungry but don't want to eat. I'm tired but don't want to sleep. Beyond frustrating. If anyone has any words of wisdom, please share.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 10K Race Recap

Wow, what a title right? Although I also could have titled it the greatest race of my life. Wanna know why? Yeah I thought you might. The week leading up to the race wasn't a great one. Stress at work, general grumpiness etc. etc. etc. So I really wasn't expecting much as far as performance but I wanted to get a 10K in really badly before the marathon relay this Saturday so I thought What the hell and signed up. The atmosphere at Komen events is like none other. Pink everywhere and people....so...many...people. For someone who hates crowds (i.e. ME) there are few things that will lure me to a crowded place. Races just tend to be one of those things. Anyway, there was a great survivors parade and all kinds of booths and music and general funness. What there wasn't plenty of was parking. Which I guess is the norm for an event of this caliber. Survivors' Parade Great Ladies I never got the chance to meet... Seriously packed at the start! Autumn Alexis, The Colonel and I g...
6 comments
Read more

Rennay, Julie & Julia

Today I watched Julie & Julia (thanks Redbox !) and it was really good. If you haven't seen it, watch it. Anyhow, it really made me think about my life and blogging and cooking and all. So at this moment, I vow to be a better blogger...although as of right now I'm the only one affected by this decision.  Not that I think I'm terribly interesting, a very good writer or someone with things worth saying, however, I do think I have things that I want to say and if someone finds those things interesting...well that's just great. I recall asking my mom and other people pretty regularly, "What's wrong with me?" and/or "Why am I such a weirdo?" Lately it has been occurring to me that maybe I'm not a weirdo and that I'm just different. I'm a vegetarian, I love to read, I'm a foster parent to unwanted animals and I volunteer with middle schoolers for at least 4 months out of the year coaching speech and drama. I've graduated colleg...
1 comment
Read more

The End of an Era

Almost exactly one year ago I decided that I was tired of being fat and sad. I was tired of crying in dressing rooms...and in my bedroom...and in the shower...and in the living room...and in my car...and...well, you get the picture. I decided that I was going to start exercising again. Before I continue what will be a very long (you've been warned) post, let me just mention that I make a lot of assumptions of my readers. I assume that people who read this actually know me in real life and therefore know a few things about me. I assume you all know the following, and if you don't already know, now you will: I was naturally skinny my entire life until the age of 22. I'd been relatively active throughout my life even though I lived for a year off of doritos and easy mac. I've run a half and full marathon. I went from being around 145lbs to probably 220lbs in the span of roughly 15 months. I've battled severe depression for a large portion of my life. I'm...
2 comments
Read more