Sometimes my thoughts get really overwhelming and when that happens I usually have to do something active and relatively creative. I've been using coloring books since before they were cool and strangely baking is still a big go-to for me but there's also writing. Today while lamenting to the husband he suggested I write a blog to try to just get shit out. So that's what I'm doing.
We are moving back to Louisville. Yay? I guess that's still TBD. I love Louisville, I really do and I have for years but like a weird, slightly dysfunctional, long term relationship, love just wasn't enough. I felt trapped and suffocated. I had created this identity box for myself and while it worked for a while it eventually turned into my coffin. It was tiny and I didn't feel like it could fit everything I wanted to be a part of my identity. 15 months ago I was exercise and non-profit worker Rennay. That's it. When we moved I realized it was a true clean slate. Absolutely no one out here knew anything about me. They didn't know me as anyone or anything. There were no expectations and I loved it. I used my time out here wisely. I ran a little, swam a little, biked not at all. I ate healthy. I ate crappy. I started to really become who I wanted to be. I think there was a bad combination in Louisville for me of youth, indecision, insecurity and expectations and it turned me into someone I didn't entirely want to be. I feel like I've just been on a very long much needed vacation. I've used this time to get to know myself, relax a little (or a lot) and just generally feel good again.
I'm excited to come back "home". I'm also scared to death. I don't want to fall back into old patterns and a general disdain for life. I want to feel great, I want to be happy and I want to have fun. So yes, I'm coming back, but there's a very good chance you may not recognize me.
Oh yeah, and I'm bringing bread ;)
We are moving back to Louisville. Yay? I guess that's still TBD. I love Louisville, I really do and I have for years but like a weird, slightly dysfunctional, long term relationship, love just wasn't enough. I felt trapped and suffocated. I had created this identity box for myself and while it worked for a while it eventually turned into my coffin. It was tiny and I didn't feel like it could fit everything I wanted to be a part of my identity. 15 months ago I was exercise and non-profit worker Rennay. That's it. When we moved I realized it was a true clean slate. Absolutely no one out here knew anything about me. They didn't know me as anyone or anything. There were no expectations and I loved it. I used my time out here wisely. I ran a little, swam a little, biked not at all. I ate healthy. I ate crappy. I started to really become who I wanted to be. I think there was a bad combination in Louisville for me of youth, indecision, insecurity and expectations and it turned me into someone I didn't entirely want to be. I feel like I've just been on a very long much needed vacation. I've used this time to get to know myself, relax a little (or a lot) and just generally feel good again.
I'm excited to come back "home". I'm also scared to death. I don't want to fall back into old patterns and a general disdain for life. I want to feel great, I want to be happy and I want to have fun. So yes, I'm coming back, but there's a very good chance you may not recognize me.
Oh yeah, and I'm bringing bread ;)
😀 I'm so excited. Maybe if I leave you guys can come with me
ReplyDeleteWell, bringing bread is always a good idea!
ReplyDeleteI'm really happy for you. I'm glad you're making moves to make yourself happy, and I'm REALLY glad you got to step out of the box and do some self-discovery. Once you're back in this time zone, just remember you are allowed to redefine yourself and explore what you want as much as you choose, that's the game of life! No cross country move required. I'm happy for you!
Your life is just going topsy tuvey, isn't it? I'm always happy to hear of a good person returning back to the area! Glad you're HOME :)
ReplyDeleteYay!! It sounds like you needed this time away to discover who you really are. I think you'll be coming back more aware of how things used to be, so you'll be more careful not to go back to those places. Now there's a chance I can have some of your bread! I'll bring the ice cream. 😄
ReplyDeleteExcited you're coming back!
ReplyDelete