Sometimes my thoughts get really overwhelming and when that happens I usually have to do something active and relatively creative. I've been using coloring books since before they were cool and strangely baking is still a big go-to for me but there's also writing. Today while lamenting to the husband he suggested I write a blog to try to just get shit out. So that's what I'm doing.
We are moving back to Louisville. Yay? I guess that's still TBD. I love Louisville, I really do and I have for years but like a weird, slightly dysfunctional, long term relationship, love just wasn't enough. I felt trapped and suffocated. I had created this identity box for myself and while it worked for a while it eventually turned into my coffin. It was tiny and I didn't feel like it could fit everything I wanted to be a part of my identity. 15 months ago I was exercise and non-profit worker Rennay. That's it. When we moved I realized it was a true clean slate. Absolutely no one out here knew anything about me. They didn't know me as anyone or anything. There were no expectations and I loved it. I used my time out here wisely. I ran a little, swam a little, biked not at all. I ate healthy. I ate crappy. I started to really become who I wanted to be. I think there was a bad combination in Louisville for me of youth, indecision, insecurity and expectations and it turned me into someone I didn't entirely want to be. I feel like I've just been on a very long much needed vacation. I've used this time to get to know myself, relax a little (or a lot) and just generally feel good again.
I'm excited to come back "home". I'm also scared to death. I don't want to fall back into old patterns and a general disdain for life. I want to feel great, I want to be happy and I want to have fun. So yes, I'm coming back, but there's a very good chance you may not recognize me.
Oh yeah, and I'm bringing bread ;)