Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Female Problems

Don't worry, you'll get your race recap soon...hopefully. But I'm currently in the midst of a quarter life crisis seeing as I've just hit a quarter century old and I'm really starting to see how hard it is to be a woman sometimes. Sure there are all kinds of benefits and I definitely wouldn't change it for the world. But on the other hand, a woman's accomplishments always seem to have a slight negative undertone.

Over the weekend I did my second half marathon (duh) and got a lot of positive feedback and comments regarding this accomplishment. When I was accepted into grad school I got some positive feedback and when I told people about my trip to Peru this summer (did I tell you all I'm going to Peru this summer?) I also received the standard "congrats!" and "good luck!" comments. I appreciate that more than you'll ever know. However, I am constantly being questioned and pressured about babies and marriage. I get accepted into graduate school/run a half marathon/travel the globe and get "Oh that's nice. But when are you getting married?" or "That's good but what about The Colonel (and no, they don't call him The Colonel)?" Or my personal favorite, "Good thing you're getting all of that out of your system now before you get married and have kids." Let me just clarify, my bucket list and personal list of accomplishments does not include marriage or children. It never will. To me and in my life (let's remember before getting all huffy that we're talking about ME, not ALL WOMEN) getting married and having kids aren't accomplishments. I know there are people who have to work at getting pregnant and you certainly have to work at keeping a marriage together and if that's what you want for your life then you should be proud! But that is your life and not mine.

The point is that people can't continue to push their own ideas of success onto others and expect everyone to agree. We all have our own definitions for a successful life and that's how it should be. If success for everyone meant Ph.Ds and tenure track positions we'd run out of jobs quick. If everyone's success came in the form of 4 kids and a dog we'd run out of food (and possibly dogs). Life is a two way street and you never know exactly where the other cars are coming from or where they've been. You don't know if they've had a few flats along the way or been pulled over and held up or if it's been raining and they have the one bad wiper blade. Sometimes you'll pass people and who knows, you may even make a u-turn to follow their lead but remember that you're all in separate cars and that they're in control of their own journey regardless of what you think.

4 comments:

  1. It sucks that you do all this awesome stuff and people can't just be happy for you! I HATE the "get it all out of your system now" crap. I'd like to have an exciting and fun life the whole time, thanks. Also, if all these people basically think life ends and stops being an adventure with kids and marriage, then WHY do they want you to sign up for that?! Craziness.

    I am super excited for you and Peru! Can't wait to read your race recap! AND, as long as you and The Colonel are in a happy and healthy relationship, then I'm thrilled for you! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I will always be super proud of you, you continue to challenge yourself and work hard and always give 150%. I don't like that people want to force their idea of accomplishments on you. I'm glad you went and did the half marathon and I know you'll have a blast in peru...so long as you don't drink the water!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yeeeeeah, it sucks that people are making comments like "when are you getting married" and "get it out of your system before the kids." I just turned 35 (today actually!) and I've never wanted kids and my husband and I are quite happy with that, thanks. I don't know if we would have officially gotten married were it not necessary for our immigration status. (Common law isn't quite "legal" enough.) Sadly, the comments come even more frequently the older you get. It's like people get so desperate for you the closer you get to 35 - 40, you know, "better get preggers before it's too late..." I have other plans, just like you, and they don't include children. (And like you, they involve cats and dogs!) I agree there is a lot more to life than marriage and kids. You're doing everything right!

    ReplyDelete
  4. [...] in the midst of? Have I hidden this at all? I mean, I probably didn’t hide it so well in this post…maybe it’s become more apparent through my lack of posts. Or maybe not. Maybe [...]

    ReplyDelete