Can somebody please explain to me how it's July 11th?
If I feel this crazy before a half iron relay it's probably for the best that I wimped out of Raleigh! I've been cruising along all week feeling pretty ok, even this morning I was alright. And then I got on the internet.
It's that typical pre-race panic that accompanies every race but this one is on roids. Probably because this is something I've never done before. So it's like the first time all over again, except I think I'd forgotten what it felt like.
But then I find a calm when I think back to my very first open water swim. I can now look back on it with a smile and a sense of pride unique to that experience and swimming in general. I posted yesterday on my various social media accounts about how far I've come as a swimmer. I still have trouble typing that without quotes. When I first tried this swimming for fitness thing out I couldn't make it 25 meters. I couldn't tread water worth a damn so the thought of not being able to touch the ground was paralyzing (never good when you're surrounded by water). I was over 20 pounds heavier than I am today and ripped my first bathing suit because it turns out it fit just a bit too closely. I didn't have confidence. I wouldn't look anyone at the pool in the face. I was always completely covered by a towel unless I was submerged. I bought goggles from WalMart because I was afraid of being judged in a store for "real swimmers".
I was also very brave.
Despite all of those things I continued on. I still went to the pool crazy early in the morning. I still showed up to the swim and actually completed it. And tomorrow won't be much different. I've put in the work, I've probably skipped a workout I shouldn't have, I'll have all of those nerves and butterflies and will probably end up swimming a mile and a half by taking the widest turns possible to avoid contact (which will still happen). And then I'll finish. Before I know it my fingers will scrape the sand, I'll stand up and jelly-legged run up the beach (Baywatch style) into transition and pass off my chip to our wonderful cyclist.
And then I'll want more.
Even when you "know" how things will go there's still always a jitter or two. And if there weren't why would you bother doing it?
That Sunscreen song said "Do one thing everyday that scares you."
Looks like I've already gotten that squared away for tomorrow.